As this year draws to a close, I've been slowly working through the process of downsizing, beginning with boxes of family mementos. Just the other day, while exploring my dad's old scrapbook from his retirement, I read something that made me chuckle – a company newsletter clipping from when he was in his twenties.
In a section titled "New Year's Resolutions," there was my dad's response: "to do everything being done now and refrain from everything being refrained from now." At first glance, it seemed like clever wordplay, but as I sat with these words, I realized that in his characteristically understated way, he'd captured something profound about authentic growth and meaningful change.
Too often, we approach the new year as if it's a time for complete reinvention, as though we need to transform ourselves into entirely different people when the calendar turns. We make grand declarations about all the things we'll start doing or stop doing, creating elaborate plans that often fade by February. But what if we've been thinking about it all wrong?
Bettering: A Different Path Forward
There's something beautiful about the word "bettering." Unlike "best," which suggests a final destination, bettering speaks to an ongoing journey. It acknowledges that we're already on our path, already making choices, already living according to certain values – even if we're not always conscious of them. Bettering isn't about dramatic transformations but about becoming more intentional with the choices we're already making, about nurturing our authentic nature while deepening our connection with the natural world around us.
Think about how nature approaches change. As we've just passed the winter solstice, the days are gradually lengthening – not in dramatic leaps, but in tiny increments that add up to profound transformation over time. A seed doesn't try to become a different kind of plant; it simply grows more fully into what it already is. The oak tree doesn't waste energy wishing it were a maple. Instead, it focuses its energy on becoming more fully itself, reaching deeper with its roots and higher with its branches.
Finding Our True North
Perhaps instead of asking "What should I change about myself?" we might ask different questions:
• What values am I already living that I want to honor more consciously?
• What natural rhythms in my life support my wellbeing?
• What small choices could help me grow more fully into who I already am?
These questions shift our focus from fixing what's "wrong" to nurturing what's already right – much like my dad's approach to resolutions. He wasn't declaring dramatic changes but acknowledging the wisdom in his existing choices, both the things he'd chosen to do and those he'd chosen to avoid. This shift from "fixing" to "nurturing" invites us to consider more deeply what wellbeing truly means and how our values guide our choices.
The Wisdom of Everyday Beginnings
In an earlier blog post, I explored how every sunrise offers us a new year – each morning bringing its own fresh start, its own opportunity for conscious choice. While there's something meaningful about collective moments of reflection like New Year's Eve, we don't need to wait for these designated times to align our actions with our values.
Like the subtle shift of seasons, our own growth doesn't happen in dramatic leaps but in gentle transitions. And just as seasons manifest differently across our globe – winter in Iceland bears little resemblance to winter in Florida, while the southern hemisphere experiences summer during our winter months – our personal seasons of growth and change don't follow a universal calendar. Each of us experiences our own unique rhythm of development, with personal winters of reflection, springs of new growth, summers of abundance, and autumns of letting go.
These natural cycles remind us that change is constant, and it doesn't require force or dramatic declarations, nor does it need to align with arbitrary calendar dates. Perhaps what matters most isn't when we choose to change, but why – what deeper intentions guide us, what values call us forward, what kind of positive impact we hope to create in our world?
From Resolutions to Conscious Commitments
As we stand at this traditional time of transition, perhaps we can take a gentler approach. Instead of making resolutions that demand we become different people overnight, we might simply commit to becoming more aware of the choices we're already making.
We might promise to notice more often:
• Which choices leave us feeling more aligned with our values
• What rhythms naturally support our wellbeing
• Where our authentic self is already trying to emerge
• How our small actions create ripples in our larger world
Small Choices, Deeper Roots
When we focus on bettering rather than best, we shift from rigid resolutions to more sustainable intentions. Instead of simply declaring "I'll go to the gym every day," we might first ask ourselves what we truly hope to achieve. Is it about physical health? Mental clarity? Stress relief? Understanding our deeper intentions helps us shift our focus to "bettering" our relationship with movement in ways that truly serve us. Rather than resolving to completely overhaul our diet, we might explore what nourishment really means to us, then work on "bettering" our connection to foods that make us feel well.
This shift in perspective transforms traditional resolutions into more sustainable intentions:
Instead of "lose 20 pounds," consider "bettering my focus on self-care"
Rather than "never miss a workout," think about "bettering my awareness of when my body needs movement"
Instead of "completely change my diet," aim to "bettering my relationship with nourishing foods"
Rather than "become a different person," focus on "bettering my understanding of my own values and needs"
These aren't grand resolutions but quiet commitments to honor our authentic nature. They're choices we make not just once a year but moment by moment, day by day, always building on the wisdom we've already gathered rather than starting from zero.
Moving Forward
As you stand at this traditional threshold of a new year, consider taking a moment to appreciate the wisdom you're already carrying – the choices you're already making that serve your wellbeing, the values you're already living that create positive ripples in your world. Instead of resolving to become someone different, perhaps simply commit to becoming more aware of who you already are and what truly matters to you.
After all, bettering isn't about reaching some final destination of "best." It's about the art of conscious choice, about growing more fully into our authentic nature while creating positive ripples in our world. Sometimes, like my dad knew, the wisest resolution is simply to honor the wisdom we already hold.
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