Learning to let go of the day-to-day frustrations can lead to big benefits.
The first time I made lemonade from scratch it was because I needed to use up a bag of lemons, and wanted to make something refreshing that would be a crowd-pleaser. I had always wanted to learn how to "whip up a batch," but whenever the opportunity arose I predictably fell back on what I was comfortable with (read: powdered mixes) because they tasted good enough and were easy (read: I didn't have to put any effort to relearn into it). The moment was right (I had a reason to put forth the effort) and as typically is the case, once I had pushed through the resistance, I lamented how easy it was and why it took me so long to learn!
Once resistance has been challenged with with an equal or greater desire to change,
we find what we need to grow.
Why do we put off making positive changes until circumstances necessitate? Things are good enough so why put forth the energy? But wouldn’t it be easier to establish a better routine when things are going smoothly, than wait until circumstances necessitate it?
While this logic rings true for many aspects of our life, today I want to address how we face day-to-day challenges that ignite feelings of negativity – anger, resentment, fear, anxiety. Even the smallest of grievances (leaving the house late, a last minute cancellation, your favorite donuts being sold out) can trigger a cascade of feelings that linger much longer than is appropriate.
Because our reptilian brain, the part that never matures beyond the temperament of a 4-year old, interprets these feelings as warning signals, we instinctively deflect, defend, or destroy (i.e., flight or flight). And because of this all too often we give these feelings and thoughts permission to take control, bypassing the part of brain that offers rational, judicious responses.
Negative thoughts have a way of taking hold and leading into a tailspin
of misinterpretations and inappropriate reactions.
So how might this play out? Imagine someone cuts you off on the way to work. You get mad -- the guy almost ran you off the road! You shout, gesture, and might even leaning on your horn a little too long. This idiot put your life at risk and now has ruined your morning commute! As these feelings take hold, they being to shape your outlook and lead to discontent -- today's meeting was worthless, your co-workers are incompetent, your spouse has once again miscalculated dinner and needs you to pick up groceries, and to top it off, you can't even get in a work out to blow off steam because all the treadmills have been taken because you got there late!
"A hundred bad days made a hundred good stories A hundred good stories make me interesting at parties, yeah
No I ain't scared of you...." ~ AJR | 100 Bad Days
Is it possible that your interpretation of the entire day was shaped by that one event during the morning commute? What if instead you had been curious about what might have lead the other drive to be so distracted, and decided rather than rage to offer a little compassion? Letting go of the negative energy might have led your day to play out much differently, instead with joy or at least a sense of calm. Maybe instead you'd be energized by the outcome of the meeting, excited to collaborate with your team, warmed by your spouse's gracious offer to make your favorite dinner, and happy (if not relieved) to switch up your work-out routine. How much different the day would have been by choosing to react differently.
I once heard author Geneen Roth share her experience with losing her life’s savings to Bernie Madoff. Up until that point, being without retirement savings had been her greatest fear. When she heard the news, she was filled with fear, anguish, and anger. She had lost everything. Eventually she realized that it was the best thing that had happened because her perspective shifted from fearing what she didn't have to being grateful for all that she did. She made peace with her struggle, released herself from identifying as a victim, and ultimately increased her wellbeing.
How you choose to approach a situation will ultimately influence your wellbeing.
Ironically, while that careless driver may have put your life in danger for a moment, it is you that is ultimately causing yourself the greater harm if you remain stuck. No matter how healthy your lifestyle choices, if you linger on negative thoughts, your wellbeing will undoubtedly play havoc on your physical health, relationships, or sense of place in the world.
By facing the day-to-day annoyances with kindness and compassion, not only do you nourish your perspective, but you retrain your responses so when life-altering issues do occur, you are better prepared to positively navigate them. Of course a health scare, a lost job, or the death of someone close will initially lead to fear, dread, or anger. Your world has been rocked to its core and there is little good to find. But after the initial shock, what do you choose next? In the moment, negative thoughts and feelings may seem like the best response, but they won't change your situation. Fear won't help you heal, anger won't pay the bills, and living with grief does nothing to build upon the beautiful life you had with the person lost. But finding moments of positivity will help create the shift needed to lead you on create space for healing, lead to a new path, and find joy in your life.
Like lemonade, a touch of sweetness goes far to create something that enhances our wellbeing.
You have the power to set the direction. Even if it's a small shift, it might be what you need to tap into a sense of hope, encouragement, and the willingness to see things in a way that positively shapes the outcome of things to come. The next time you are thrown a curveball, what can you do to turn a sour experience into something delightful? If you're ready to get started -- I'm ready to support you!
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