What Team Are You Really Playing For?

I was staring at a team building poster the other day – you know the kind, with bold letters declaring "There's no I in TEAM." And while I nodded along with the sentiment, something else caught my attention: if you rearrange those same letters, you can spell "Me."

That realization stopped me in my tracks. Not because it undermines the value of teamwork, but because it illuminates something we often miss: teams need individuals who feel valued, who have purpose, who find meaning in the collective work. And sometimes that requires two things at once - teams that create genuine space for diverse voices and contributions, AND individuals willing to look for how their unique gifts might serve something beyond themselves. The project isn't about me, certainly. But if I can't see how I matter to it, or if I'm not willing to find that connection, something essential is lost.

This tension between "me" and "we" has been sitting with me, especially as I've been noticing patterns in how we relate to the various teams we're part of. And then I heard something on Radiolab that crystallized what I'd been mulling over.

Surrendering to the We

The episode was about the Voyager spacecraft carrying humanity's message into deep space. Poet Ada Limón had been asked to write that message - to speak for all of us. But as she explained in the interview, she struggled with how to use "we." As a Latina woman, she's experienced times when "we the people" didn't seem to include her. She's always been suspicious of the "we" - wondering if she truly belonged in it.

But to write this message, she had to do something difficult: "surrender to the we." She had to release her individual "I" and make room for what she called her "most communal voice" - a we that included not just all people, but trees and animals and plants too.

Surrender to the we. Not lose yourself in the we. Not erase your particular experience or perspective. But find yourself more fully through recognizing that you're part of something larger than yourself - even when that "we" hasn't always made space for you.

Holding Both Truths

These might sound like opposing messages, don't they?

First I'm saying we need to honor the "me" - that individuals need to feel valued and see how they matter. Then Ada's talking about surrendering to the "we" - releasing the individual "I" to make room for the collective voice.

But here's what I'm learning: we don't have to choose between them. In fact, we can't afford to choose between them. Like so many things in life, the wisdom isn't in picking a side - it's in recognizing we need both. We need to honor our individual worth AND recognize we're part of something larger. We need teams that make space for diverse voices AND individuals willing to contribute to collective purpose. We need to maintain our authentic perspective AND expand our view of what "we" we belong to.

This tension between individual and collective isn't a problem to solve. It's a dynamic to navigate - and when we can hold both, something remarkable becomes possible.

When We Forget We're Part of Something Larger

We're fundamentally social creatures. Our brains are literally wired for connection and belonging – it's not just nice to have, it's essential to our wellbeing. We need to feel part of something, to know we matter to others, to experience the security of being seen and valued within a community.

But here's where it gets tricky: we can experience belonging at many different scales, and we often forget that the small teams we're most aware of exist within much larger systems. Our work team is part of an organization. Our family is part of a community. Our community is part of a larger ecosystem of communities. And all of us – all of us – are part of the human family sharing this one planet.

When we lose sight of these nested relationships, when we start optimizing only for our immediate team without considering the larger games we're playing, something fundamental breaks down.

Think about your own body for a moment. In a healthy body, every system works together - your circulatory system doesn't "other" your nervous system. Your respiratory system doesn't compete with your digestive system. Each part has its unique role, but they all recognize they're part of one living organism.

But when parts of the body start treating other parts as enemies? That's when we see disease - literally, a lack of ease, a state of dis-ease. When the immune system attacks the body's own tissues, we call it autoimmune disease. When cells forget they're part of the larger organism and start replicating without regard to the whole, we call it cancer. The breakdown happens when parts of the system stop recognizing their connection to the whole.

This same pattern plays out in human systems. I watch it happen when groups create spaces where dehumanizing others becomes normalized because everyone in their immediate circle reinforces it. When winning for "us" becomes more important than recognizing our shared humanity with "them." When teams optimize for their own success while ignoring their impact on the larger systems they're part of. When we surround ourselves only with people who already agree with us, making it easier to forget that those who see things differently are also trying to navigate this complex world as best they can.

The pattern is the same: when we only see our immediate team, when we forget we're part of a larger living system, we create dis-ease in the body of our communities, our society, our world.

The Larger Teams We're Actually On

So what does it mean to "surrender to the we" in a way that doesn't erase the "me"? How do we belong without falling into groupthink? How do we maintain our individual values while recognizing our interdependence?

I think it starts with expanding our view of what teams we're actually on. Not to lose our sense of self, but to find our authentic place within larger and larger circles of belonging.

Think about the trees in a forest. Each tree is an individual organism with its own root system, its own pattern of growth, its own response to light and weather. But beneath the surface, those roots intertwine. Through underground networks of fungi, trees share resources, send warnings about pests and disease, even nurture saplings that might be struggling. Each tree maintains its individual integrity while participating in something much larger than itself.

This is the kind of belonging that enriches rather than diminishes – where being part of the collective enhances rather than erases our individual gifts.

Here's what I keep coming back to: we're not just on one team. We exist within nested systems of belonging, each one valid and important:

Our immediate circles – family, close friends, work teams, the people we interact with daily. These relationships are vital. They're where we experience direct care and connection, where we feel most immediately seen and valued.

Our communities – neighborhoods, professional networks, shared interest groups. These wider circles give us a sense of place and purpose beyond our immediate relationships.

Our larger identity groups – people who share aspects of our experience, whether that's cultural background, life stage, values, or circumstances. These connections remind us we're not alone in what we're facing.

The human family – all of us navigating this complicated experience of being alive, trying to meet our needs and the needs of those we love, hoping for a better future.

The living planet – the intricate web of life that sustains us all, the ecosystems we're part of whether we think about them daily or not.

The mistake is when we stop there and forget that those smaller teams exist within larger contexts, and that our choices ripple outward far beyond our immediate circle.

Playing the Larger Game

What changes when we remember we're playing for these larger teams?

When a company decides to prioritize long-term sustainability over short-term profits, they're remembering they're on Team Future, not just Team This Quarter. When someone takes the time to really listen to a perspective they disagree with - and responds with dignity and respect even in disagreement - they're remembering they're on Team Human, not just Team My Position. Real listening isn't about extracting ammunition for our counterargument. It's about recognizing the humanity in someone else's experience, even when we see things differently.

When we choose practices that nurture our own wellbeing so we have more capacity to show up for others, we're honoring both the "me" and the "we." This is what I call the CO2 principle - Caring for Ourselves and Caring for Others - recognizing that these aren't competing priorities but interconnected parts of the same ecology.

I often talk about the Vibrant Middle - that space where seemingly opposite needs can both be honored, where we find sustainable balance that actually fits our lives. In this case, the Vibrant Middle isn't some lukewarm compromise between individual and collective. It's the recognition that we need both – that our individual gifts only find their full meaning when offered to something beyond ourselves, and that collectives only thrive when they honor and nurture the individuals within them.

So how do we practice this expanded sense of belonging without losing ourselves?

Start by noticing where you might be optimizing for a team that's too small. Are there places where your team's "win" comes at the expense of a larger system you're also part of? This isn't about guilt – it's about awareness.

Consider the nested systems you belong to. Where do you feel most connected? Where have you lost sight of your belonging? What would it mean to remember you're on Team Human? Team Earth?

And perhaps most importantly: What gifts does your authentic self bring to these larger teams?

We don't need to erase our individuality to surrender to the we. We need to offer our unique perspective, our particular strengths, our genuine voice to the collective work of creating a world where everyone can thrive.

The "me" in "team" isn't a contradiction. It's a reminder that both matter. We need individuals who feel valued and purposeful. We need collectives that create space for diverse gifts. And we need to remember that the game we're playing is so much larger and more beautiful than we sometimes realize.

What teams are you really playing for?

And what becomes possible when you remember the largest game of all?

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